A Holy Conundrum

I don't think that it would come as a surprise to anyone that I have always felt a bit misplaced in my family.  It was once described to me that I see the world in 5-D, when the people around me are seeing 3-D...that may be so, but it makes me sound way cooler than I actually am- like I have the power to go see certain movies without having to wear special glasses or something- but I don't have these powers. 5-D people tend to be honest to a fault.  They throw their heart out on the line when it is un-safe territory....which can make for a great adventure....OR a huge flop.  Because of the many flops, I learned to cover my passion in shame.  It still physically hurts when I see a kid who seems to embrace the world with a fire in their eyes, only to let it fizzle the first time they experience the sting of rejection.  In reality, the fire in their eyes probably mirrors the flame in God's, but because... back in the garden, sin introduced us to shame....we now allow the flames to be overtaken by shame's drowning wave.  We really do make fun of these types of people...it’s like this, biblically speaking: Peter vs. John.... let's elaborate:

Team Peter: Passionate, tactless, zealous, fiery, yet called a "rock" by Jesus

Team John: Thoughtful, gentle, confidently terms himself the "disciple that Jesus loved"

Now both of these teams have their strengths and weaknesses, the difference is, Peter's weak moments seem to be showcased in our minds.  Am I right? We tend to remember the guy who zealously got out of the boat...only to sink for lack of faith.  We remember the guy whose fierce passion caused him to cut off the ear of the guard who had seized Jesus....only to have Jesus publicly correct him and gorilla-glue that thing back on....supernaturally of course.  For real, can you imagine that scene!!??  How lame did Peter feel after throwing his whole heart out there to fight for his friend....and then he just straight up "got SERVED."  Truly, Peter's faults are infamously known.  Though, I'm telling you, in this day and age of passive aggressive-ness, the zealous guy is a breath of fresh air! If a little girl was being attacked in an ally, we wouldn't want a gentle John trying to assist her by persuading her attacker to stop through the use of some fluffy Shakespearean sonnet-language, would we? .....NO!  That's when we need a brave heart like Peter on the scene to start slicing some ears off!  I know this is an exaggerated example, and that I have stereotyped these two men into categories, but only for the purpose of making this point: though one is a bit more misunderstood, they BOTH display attributes of the heart of God. 
He is zealous and fiercely protective of us, while being full of gentleness, kindness, and patience.  He is not a contradiction....He is just whole.... He is a Father to the fatherless, He fights for those who have no voice.  He is jealous for our hearts and patient with us in our weakness. He is just and will not force us into loving Him, but allows us the free will to choose to do so, or not.  To us He is: a Holy Conundrum.  He is the "best of both worlds," to try to put it into terms that make the tiniest amount of sense. Because we cannot contain Him, we try to fit Him into a right-brained, artistic, peaceful, poetic guy, or the left-brained, disciplined, steady man....when He is actually...the Creator of the very brain we use to try to grasp who He even is.  He is the reason our hearts come alive at the idea of characters like William Wallace in Braveheart or Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice...but Oh, He is so much more that we merely cannot digest... until we get our glorified GI tract...
It reminds me of some lyrics in a song called, "What do I know of Holy"...

"What do I know of you, who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood, but the shore along your ocean?
Are you fire are you fury...are you sacred are you beautiful?
So, what do I know? What do I know of Holy?"

If you want to listen:

lovingly,
Julie