this isn't going to be clear. like a story or a tale. not like my usual blogging. I'm not even going to bother with correct punctuation....well maybe I will for some of it...when my pinkie feels like reaching over to the "shift" key...and when Reverence calls for it... and when autocorrect takes over :-)
these will just be ramblings. so at the risk of being misunderstood (yea so Mom...you might wanna skip this blog...I promise in the next...I won't be abstract...I'll maybe even throw in a chemistry equation...just for logical fun)....here we go.
I feel so tired. like a mess. but such peace too. strange how they can live together. peace and a mess....like an old married couple named Marge and Wilbur... (nice job with the shift key pinkie...way to look alive)
I guess its like calm in a storm. but the winds don't seem strong right now, and the boat isn't rocking. its more like after a storm. like when the water is murky and debris is scattered.
in this moment im astounded. baffled by this God. who dips His toes into the murky waters...and in a moment you can see to the bottom. wondrous.
im filled up with awe by the gallons. at His mysterious ways. how He likes to surprise us at the back door. He comes around back because He comes all the time....He's no stranger...so no need for the doorbell. i remember times when He seemed like a no-show. through the cycles of seasons. years even. what were You doing then? felt like you were in China or somewhere ....like the only way i could meet with You would be to start digging 'til I got to the other side of the globe. oh, is that just a myth?
i know You were near. because You don't lie. and You say You don't leave. maybe You were in the tree house out back...watching over....ever present. but i like You at the back door. i like You familiar. amaze me always ok? i guess i mean- take my blinders away...so i might stay amazed. soften my heart so i might be tender. noticing You in the breeze. watching You sway through tall grass. seeing you rustle the leaves. beholding You in another's eye. do away with this plank in my own....its really getting annoying. wash it away with tears. filter it out through the cross. that my eyes would be clean. clear of debris from the storm. from the ship that went down.
ever present. even when i thought of digging to China to find You. You would've just sat there and let me sweat wouldn't You? grinning down from the tree house out back. You got a sense of humor for sure. humor is in the clay.. and You are the Potter... where else would it come from? funny how we don't know You're funny... we don't even know "funny" I'm sure. we don't even really know the "good medicine" it is when You tell a joke. You probably cure cancer with a joke. You've got jokes for days.... eternities.
im almost at the end of this thing but gosh i could go on forever. and You'd be worthy still. praise leaves me breathless. mindless. if not for this body of death....I would go on adoring you, God. if not for this temporal frame... I would forget sleep. but here i sit. In the tired messy peace. and that'll have to do for now.... until glory takes over. You just wait though.... I'll show You Potter... i'll show You praise You deserve... but now it would just be zeal. because the truth is... only You give me strength to lift a voice or a hand. only You give me might to give to You. What in the world Lord? I guess that's just it. You're so out of this world. so other than. reason fails. words fail. everything fails to speak You.
I guess I should retire now. Pinkie is tired from all of the reaching and its a wee hour. You're incredible You know that? I can only ask that you give me a dream so we can keep this going.... this adoration. wow. this really is all up to you isn't it. I can't even will myself to praise You in sleep. that too lies in Your hands. cause you're holding the globe.... so my digging wouldn't have worked anyway huh? I guess all I can do is abide here. and let You let me praise You.
love you more than words. more than milk from the farm. and no one even really gets that but You.
See you at the back door,
Julie Eileen
