blog is cheap

I almost gagged when I saw a news blurb on the TV about "how not to go into holiday debt this Christmas." Holiday debt... does this seem like an oxymoron to anyone else?  Don't worry, I'm not going to go into a whole "Jesus is the reason for the season" spiel, ‘cause He wasn't even born in December anyway....but don't worry, I'm not going to go into that whole spiel either.  I'm tired of all of that.  I'm so tired of hearing or reading about all of the controversy...on both sides.... about all issues.  Seriously, I'm tired of even hearing myself think.  I don't mean to be unloving, but enough is enough already...

I've always been fascinated by theology and even considered going to seminary at one point.  I was born pondering the why?, how?, and who? and something just felt intriguing about the thought of listening to (usually grey-haired) men go back and forth about the attributes of God or the truth of the gospel over a warm latte' and a cigar- or maybe a scotch on the rocks or something....yea that sounds just edgy enough ;-) (not that this is what professor's in seminary do, its just in my dream land, okay? Just go with it).
While I still think seminary could be cool, and I have nothing against it, I've begun to have distaste for the thought of so much discussion about God over becoming the very movement of God on the earth.

I know that talk is cheap, and you know what, blog is cheap too.  There are an innumerable amount of bloggers trending cool vintage looks while tweeting some thought-provoking quote from A.W. Tozer and insta-graming pictures of the gluten-free cake they just made for their son's vegan birthday party.... What? …Too much stereotyping in one sentence? Well, don't get too offended, because I am one such blogger...well not really. I am in theory, minus the fan base and the vegan children (my one-day children will be carnivorous). 
I can't live up to the coolness- seriously, I can't- and I'm sorta tired of trying to.  I know I can tend to go overboard sometimes (like Peter in the Bible...whoa! get it...overboard.....like he did out of the boat)...totally unintended pun.  Anyway, I know I can.  My passion can get the best of me and before you know it, I'm pointing Uncle Sam's finger at YOU from a platform, (which nobody gave me), and explaining why you should be drinking raw milk and why refined sugar is the reason that everyone dies.  Okay so maybe I don't go that far, but I do have thoughts about certain things...but just like Faith without works is dead, conviction without personal action is a dead man walking.  I wonder why God gave me such strong convictions, not just about raw milk, but about issues like racism and abortion, yet He really gypped me in the area of will-power or self-control, which really makes it difficult to change the world through my own efforts....and maybe that is the point…that I can’t.
Maybe, I'm getting better as I grow?  Maybe God will think of me as "a rock" by the end of my life....or maybe He is seeing me through different lenses, and He thinks of me this way, even now.  

You know what would be truly cool?  If I could just lay my life down for a friend…That is the greatest love.  I'm tired of reading books and being introspective.  I'm tired of trying to eat the exact right things. I’m tired of feeling so overwhelmed at the ABUNDANCE of choices, when I have to go into a Babies R us to shop for a baby shower gift.  How have we managed thus far...without wipe warmers and pee-pee tee-pees? (If you don’t know what those are, then you haven’t been to nearly enough baby showers lately, my friend)   
I do better with fewer choices and less talk. I mean if I was in Uganda right now, there wouldn't be much theology to quarrel concerning the gospel, because I would be too busy living the gospel.  I'm not saying we can't do that here in the states, but it is definitely harder...harder to be in need of God, or at least to recognize that need.  The need is covered up by the fluffy pillow I am sitting on and the bowl of cherry cobbler that my neighbor just brought over...dang you, refined sugar! You will be the end of me! ;-)  Don't misunderstand me to be saying that we must take a vow of poverty or do penance by depriving ourselves of anything comforting.  I don't believe that to be true. I do, however, wonder what Jesus meant by, "Sell everything you have and follow me," and if I am doing any such thing.  One thing I do know is that I am altogether unsatisfied and I have plenty. The satisfaction that I seek is not fulfilled in cherry cobbler or a hot shower, though those things do bring comfort for the moment.  I hesitate to type this, for fear that I will be wishing I hadn't in a few weeks...but I have decided not to buy any new clothes for a year.  This idea came as I was cleaning out my closet and was embarrassed at the thought of how many people I could clothe out of my one closet. 

Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?  No, but I so want it to be. 
So I'm going to start with this and try not to despise my day of small beginnings, because if I am faithful in a little, I will be entrusted with much.  I have a lot of "little" to go, but maybe the "much" will be me surrounded by precious orphans someday. 

Embarrassingly, abundantly clothed…
Julie

A Holy Conundrum

I don't think that it would come as a surprise to anyone that I have always felt a bit misplaced in my family.  It was once described to me that I see the world in 5-D, when the people around me are seeing 3-D...that may be so, but it makes me sound way cooler than I actually am- like I have the power to go see certain movies without having to wear special glasses or something- but I don't have these powers. 5-D people tend to be honest to a fault.  They throw their heart out on the line when it is un-safe territory....which can make for a great adventure....OR a huge flop.  Because of the many flops, I learned to cover my passion in shame.  It still physically hurts when I see a kid who seems to embrace the world with a fire in their eyes, only to let it fizzle the first time they experience the sting of rejection.  In reality, the fire in their eyes probably mirrors the flame in God's, but because... back in the garden, sin introduced us to shame....we now allow the flames to be overtaken by shame's drowning wave.  We really do make fun of these types of people...it’s like this, biblically speaking: Peter vs. John.... let's elaborate:

Team Peter: Passionate, tactless, zealous, fiery, yet called a "rock" by Jesus

Team John: Thoughtful, gentle, confidently terms himself the "disciple that Jesus loved"

Now both of these teams have their strengths and weaknesses, the difference is, Peter's weak moments seem to be showcased in our minds.  Am I right? We tend to remember the guy who zealously got out of the boat...only to sink for lack of faith.  We remember the guy whose fierce passion caused him to cut off the ear of the guard who had seized Jesus....only to have Jesus publicly correct him and gorilla-glue that thing back on....supernaturally of course.  For real, can you imagine that scene!!??  How lame did Peter feel after throwing his whole heart out there to fight for his friend....and then he just straight up "got SERVED."  Truly, Peter's faults are infamously known.  Though, I'm telling you, in this day and age of passive aggressive-ness, the zealous guy is a breath of fresh air! If a little girl was being attacked in an ally, we wouldn't want a gentle John trying to assist her by persuading her attacker to stop through the use of some fluffy Shakespearean sonnet-language, would we? .....NO!  That's when we need a brave heart like Peter on the scene to start slicing some ears off!  I know this is an exaggerated example, and that I have stereotyped these two men into categories, but only for the purpose of making this point: though one is a bit more misunderstood, they BOTH display attributes of the heart of God. 
He is zealous and fiercely protective of us, while being full of gentleness, kindness, and patience.  He is not a contradiction....He is just whole.... He is a Father to the fatherless, He fights for those who have no voice.  He is jealous for our hearts and patient with us in our weakness. He is just and will not force us into loving Him, but allows us the free will to choose to do so, or not.  To us He is: a Holy Conundrum.  He is the "best of both worlds," to try to put it into terms that make the tiniest amount of sense. Because we cannot contain Him, we try to fit Him into a right-brained, artistic, peaceful, poetic guy, or the left-brained, disciplined, steady man....when He is actually...the Creator of the very brain we use to try to grasp who He even is.  He is the reason our hearts come alive at the idea of characters like William Wallace in Braveheart or Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice...but Oh, He is so much more that we merely cannot digest... until we get our glorified GI tract...
It reminds me of some lyrics in a song called, "What do I know of Holy"...

"What do I know of you, who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood, but the shore along your ocean?
Are you fire are you fury...are you sacred are you beautiful?
So, what do I know? What do I know of Holy?"

If you want to listen:

lovingly,
Julie

Orphans...minus the details

Ok, here's the deal.  I don't feel particularly wordy at the moment, but I'm inspired.  Sometimes I feel that I have so much to explain that if I try to do so, my eyes will bulge like a coo coo clock, my tongue will fall out, and that will be the end of me...so I'll just try to give the facts....minus the details:

- In college, some extraordinary instances happened which would allow me to believe that I would possibly, someday...be involved with Orphans....somehow. 
- A few years ago, I went to India and spent some time in three different orphanages.  It was amazing.  No, these children were amazing.....no, amazing is not even a word that comes close to describing these tiny human beings that made me a believer once again, in love at first sight...well, them and my high school boyfriend, Buck. (Wow Julie, you just went there....on the internet)
- I am in Massage Therapy school. Where am I taking this? I'm not sure, but if I tried to explain....again, I remind you of the coo coo clock image....let's just not go there, okay?
- My Mom said to me the other day that she found out that my second cousin is a Massage Therapist and she works in Vietnam massaging infant Orphans...which is one of the most admirable things because many studies have shown that without human touch and nurturing, babies can die.  Compassionate touch is so extremely vital for their wellbeing.  So my response when my Mom told me about my cousin: gulp.....are you kidding me?  It's like my passion and my skill got married, had a baby, and the whole scenario was covered in white chocolate.  Are my analogies even making sense to anybody right now?  Seriously...I didn't even know how to respond to this- it just makes so much sense to me.   

- So some of you might remember that my computer died....and I am currently extremely frustrated with this "hp pavilion ze4800" laptop I am using. Oh, you've never heard of the "hp pavilion ze4800?" Well, lets just say that it is right up there in the Technology hall of LAME with my Mom's first car phone, and it is seriously slower than a horse and buggy.  Honestly, if I literally took a horse and buggy ride to where you are right now to deliver this message to you in person, it would most likely make it there faster than I could get this blog published on this piece of....Oh, whoops.....  Julie, lets not forget what we are writing this blog about-Orphans....yes, Orphans who are lucky if they have shoes....much less an, "hp pavilion ze4800" laptop :-/  Let us pause for a moment of thanks as we get our perspective on. _________________________________Thank you Lord, for this "hp pavilion ze 4800"...even now Lord, as it delays to even bring up the letters I type until I am already on the next paragraph.

-So what will I do with these thoughts about Orphans? I'm not sure yet, because Orphans do come with a lot of details and right now, I am still just trying to keep my room clean, trying to learn not to be so selfish, trying to remember to get my oil changed in my car every once in a while, trying to have patience with this device on my lap that doesn't even deserve to be termed "a computer," ...
BUT thinking of them sure does make me want to get my life right so I can love one, or two, or a billion of them..... they sure do get my heart a'dreamin'

In other baby news:
- My two nephews, Lucas and Lex, were born! Yay! Pictures? huh, yea right....on the "hp pavilion ze4800???" That'll have to wait until I get my hands on a computer from this century. Welcome to the world you little heart melters, and job-well-done to my sister-in-laws...but I will miss your bellies :-( BUT the joy of my new nephews outweighs the sadness over the loss of cute bellies. :-) I just think that pregnant bellies happen to be awesome and I can't wait to have one.

- I cut my own hair- with a razor comb from Sally's Beauty supply. This, apparently makes me too legit to quit, according to my friend Laura, who in response said that I should, "start my own hair cutting business!"  I like to just think that Laura has a rare disease where when I anounce some modest achievement to her, she follows it with unimaginable affirmation! 
Example:
               Julie: "Hey Laura, I recorded a little bit of a song on youtube"
               Laura: "Oh my gosh Jul, its about time! The world should hear your voice...you should go on American Idol!"
  She even made up something called, "leadership night" at our church  and said I should sing at it.  This is how that went:
              Laura: Hey Jul, when are you going to sing at church instead of just play keys!?
              Julie: I dunno, I don't really want to be at the front of the stage singing, I like to be behind the keyboard all incognito in the back as I sing my little heart out.
             Laura: You should sign up for a leadership night!
             Julie: We have that at our church?
             Laura: Well, I mean you should just do it...just say you want to lead and just do it
             Julie: Wow La, I don't think that is how it works, and you totally just made up Leadership Night and made it sound like something I could sign up for in the lobby.... that is so NOT a thing!

Haha, I love her. She believes in people. What a great quality!  The funny thing is, she is so crafty and makes lamps and other crafty things and she totally DID start her own business! Way to go La!

Boy, I'm starting to think that the title of this blog was a bit misleading...I guess I'm not great at subtracting the details...
Well I will end with an exerpt from an article about Orphans and their vital need for touch.
My prayer is to be able to love Orphans. I want to give them love that would seep down deep into their roots so that when they grow up and learn who they are, they would be rooted and grounded in love and know that they are a wanted child of God.

"A hundred years ago, about 99% of babies in orphanages

in the United States died before they were

seven months old. Orphanages were an everyday part

of the social landscape. Unwanted babies were deposited

in these institutions, where modern antiseptic procedures

and adequate food seemed to guarantee them at least a

fighting chance for a healthy life. But the babies died,

not from infectious diseases or malnutrition; they simply

wasted awayin a conditioncalled “marasmus.” Sterile

surroundings didn’t cure it; having enough food made no difference.

These babies died from a completely different kind of

deprivation: lack of touch. When babies were removed

from these large, clean but impersonal institutions to

environments where they received physical nurturing

along with formula, the marasmus reversed. They gained

weight and finally began to thrive.

Touch is vital for survival in the very young. Everyday

in our nation’s hospitals sick and premature infants, isolated

in sterile environments, are given the touch therapy

of massage for fifteen minutes, three times a day."

Here is the link to the full article if you care to take a gander: http://www.benbenjamin.net/pdfs/Issue2.pdf
With love and details,
Julie

Kite flyin' in hurricane winds

Life can be confusing and people can be straight up cray cray (a saying the hipsters are using these days for, "crazy")...can't we!?

I dedicate this post to all the little tikes out there...the 10 and younger crowd...just trying to figure things out.  I hear you little man...its not easy to understand the females around you - we are complicated- and little buddy, from what I hear from the grown-up boys....it doesn't get much easier :-/

And to the little ladies...oh sweet girl, if I could say one thing to you, it would be to: guard your heart.  You may not understand how important that is until someone takes it, messes with it, then gives it back to you in an almost unrecognizable condition :-/ but trust me...later you will understand what the scripture means when it calls your heart, "the wellspring of life." 

Not that I think there are young kiddos who are out there actually reading my blog instead of playing barbies or mastering the video game, Halo....but maybe I'm just speaking to the little ones in us all.  Or maybe us "grown-ups" are all just still tryin' to figure things out too.

Ever wonder why its just so refreshing when you are listening to a comedian or a preacher and they seem to be expressing the very thoughts that go through your head...the thoughts that you believed only did their drive-by's in your  brain?  It's one of my favorite feelings...when someone understands me without me having to explain me.  I think because I long to know God on this level.  I want to be walking along in life and then when something ridiculous happens, to be able to just glance up and smirk at the one who has known my every thought and moment and just gets it...gets why the thing is funny...or why its devastating...or why it makes me sobb or laugh so hard that I can't breath.

Its like that friend who, while you are both in a crowded room, you can look over at them...and the expression on your face gives voice to the thoughts in your head without you even making a peep.  I think that is my love language...being understood.  Okay, so maybe it's not one of the 5 denoted by the author, Gary Chapman, in his book...but I feel so strongly about it that I may just write and try to persuade him to do a revised version....adding my new language....and then maybe including my name on the front cover ;-)

Maybe that is one reason I can get frustrated with God sometimes.  He is not easily figured out.  Not that I don't like a challenge, but my favorite day is one where I have clearly communicated my heart and someone just got it..or vice versa.  Harmony in communication.  It's a lovely paradise where I like to set up my hammock and stay a while...and sip a nice drink with an umbrella in it :-)

I have a friend who recently began a new relationship.  Though this particular guy was not someone she originally thought she'd be with, when I got the chance to see them together...I thought, "wow, what a breath of fresh air for my friend." Her Mom even thought so.  She told me that she could see that he just, "got her," in a way that no one had.  And THAT is saying something, because she is a complicated girl; a multi-faceted lady who often describes herself as a kite who needs a man that could hold on to the end of the string to make sure she doesn't drift off too far....to keep her grounded.  From what I've seen, her man seems to be a good kite flyer...letting her soar, but grounding the string when the wind of her emotions wants to take her to reach the unknown people groups in Timbuktu. Don't get me wrong...it's an honorable desire to want to reach lost people groups...but maybe its not EVERYONE'S calling to move to a third-world country EVERY TIME someone mentions one. Woah! In my research to figure out how to spell "Timbuktu," I found out that it is actually a REAL place!?  Did anyone know that!?  It is in West Africa on the edge of the Sahara Desert!  COME ON! Not everyone besides me knew that, right!? I decided that I'm going to go there someday for my honeymoon....just so that when people ask where we have decided to go...I can say, "A little place called, Timbuktu!" I mean it sounds like a lovely vacay spot ;-)
Hmmm....the things I learn from blogging.

Anyway, I can relate to this friend.  Maybe many of us can.  I need someone to let me be adventurous and take risks with God, while at the same time...lovingly make me wear one of those leash backpacks that you see the prone to wander kids wearing at the mall.....for when I tend to say things like, "I think we should sell everything we have and move to Timbuktu because that MUST have been a sign from God that I found out it is a REAL place!!!!??" Woah...leash it up, girlfriend. 

I'm sure God does this with us when we get cray cray sometimes.  I have to believe He has protected me from some disastrous situations that seemed like great ideas while they were floating around in irrational girl emotion inside of me...and yet there are some that He has purposefully let me fly my kite right into...only to return to Him all ripped up and stuck in a tree...and usually thinking...."Yo...I could've used a SIGN that this wasn't the best wind to take, God!"  Then He probably smiles...repairs my kite...and shortens the string a bit, to protect me of course....'cause I ain't no cat with nine lives...I'm a Dora the Explorer kite who tends to set sail beside large trees or in hurricane-force winds.  He knows what's up.  

Sometimes, when I come to the end of a blog post, I think....woah, where the heck did that come from, and then I usually end up changing the title to make it relevant to my rant :-)
He's a good God...but He ain't afraid to let you get a good paddlin' sometimes, for your own good. 
He disciplines the ones He loves. 
Job puts it well, "Though He slay me, I will hope in Him.  Nevertheless, I will argue my ways before Him."  haha I love that!  Job's like....Okay, He let me get the crap beat out of me for His name's sake...and I am still going to love Him and hope in Him....but I'm probably not going to stop asking, WHY!!?? :-)

Probably stuck in a tree somewhere,
Julie

moving sidewalk

I grew up as an airline kid and traveling used to be quite the event. I remember seeing the advances in technology on planes and at the airport... and my favorite would have to be the "moving sidewalk." A pretty funny invention if you think about it... but when the moving sidewalk came onto the scene - I always opted for it...I mean why not? A speedier way to get to where you're going without the added energy one would have to exert by simply....walking faster :-/
Because, when we flew, we were, "representing the company," we had to dress up for every flight...which, for me, meant a chance to wear my sam and libby shoes, stockings, and a spinny dress. My brothers and I used to hate when we would have to sit by strangers on the plane...but flying stand-by, without guarenteed seats, as a family of 6... we had to suck it up and take any seat we could get!  I have two favorite "stranger" stories from the plane when we were kids.  One was when my brothers had to go to the bathroom really bad, but were blocked in their row by a stranger who was snoozing in the isle seat.  My parents and I watched from the seats behind as, in desperation, the boys crawled under the man's legs...and successfully made it to the bathroom.  The other story was when I fell asleep and woke up when we landed...only to realize that my head had been comfortably resting on the stranger-man's shoulder next to me the whole trip...one of the reasons I can no longer fall asleep so easily on planes ;-)



In Ashley's wedding in Atl. Mom and Dad came too!

I've been quite the travelin' lady lately.  I went to Savannah, GA....then back to PA....then back to Atlanta to be in Ashley's wedding (my friend since age 3)....then back to PA....then to Maine....then to Conneticut....then to the Jersey shore....and now here I am....back home, where the 55 and older is a nice reminder that I have 30 years until I was actually meant to live in one of these neighborhoods...but God works in mysterious ways.....? hmm.... not sure how that one applies to my situation or what is so mysterious about living in a neighborhood where the highlight of the week is usually the "first Tuesday women's club," or my Mom's nightly water aerobics routine.  I know my tone seems snarky but I really am grateful to have a roof over my head, food in my belly, family that loves me, and a plethora of neighbor's grandkids to babysit while I finish school :-)   just keepin' it real...

This blog post has been a draft just sittin' patiently in my computer...waiting for its debut as my first post in quite some time now. My computer did die on me, so I have a bit of an excuse for the lack of blogs lately.  My fingers have been on hiadas from their normal tap dance across the keyboard to tell a story, or make a point... or to tell a totally pointless story. On one of my recent trips to the Atlanta airport, I was on the moving sidewalk and suddenly remembered that this little post was waiting for me to come home and give it some attention.  Not sure why today is the day...but the typers are back in gear and ready to tap once more! 

 

There is so much to blog about from the trip I took to Maine with one of my best friends, Shu (pronounced "Shoe"). Oh my Shu :-)  If she was a shoe, she would be a converse all-star...but with a light purple, satin ribbon for a shoelace!
We always have the best time together and we laughed so much that I came home with a six-pac of newly formed abs!

hahaha I seriously did this pose from
"The Little Mermaid"-only a few will actually get this!

Pop-overs and blueberry tea in Maine

Anyway, in an effort to keep things interesting, I will not post a picture of EVERY morsel of food we ate or include EVERY detail of how incredibly amazing the fresh lobster and smoked gouda omlets were, or about the wild blueberry pancakes, lobster/pineapple pizza, pop-overs, blueberry coffee and tea, goat milk fudge and caramels....I'll just tell you the MAINE-ly important things and give you an appetizer of pics from our lovely hikes, a seven mile kayaking trip in the Atlantic ocean, a jazz concert, a hard-to-describe-Maine-backwoods-bluegrass-ish music fest, and MAYBE just ONE more mention of the best fudge this side of the Mississippi....and on every side of the Mississippi...I don't know where these phrases come from- but my friend, Christine, says I've gotten my southern accent back since I've been hanging out with all of my friends from below the Mason-dixon line....

 

Shu and I gearing up to sea kayak....olympic style,
U.S. vs France...or so we told ourselves for
motivational purposes...to try to beat the French ppl
who were on our tour...unsuccessful :-(

We stopped in CT on the way home to see Bean!



These bluegrass-ish musicians were playing at a bar in Maine and

every one of them looked like a character from "Deliverance"....

and they smelled like pirates (none of us have probably ever smelled a pirate,

but I can't think of anything else that could accurately display this level of smelly!)

We met an old couple from GA there, who asked me what type of music this was...

When I said the closest thing I could think of was bluegrass, they were offended.

Lesson learned: don't tell an old couple from the deep south what bluegrass is...

So it has been great to do some traveling lately and to experience some new adventures with loved ones. I feel like everyone always says this, but the summer really has flown by and I can't believe its almost fall...woah...and then winter, where a Pennsylvania style snow will be coming to a driveway near me...very soon.  I'm excited for what the fall has to bring: two new nephews (YAY!!), being done with school...again, and getting ready for whatever season God has in store for me next...maybe I'll move somewhere really cool...or join that bluegrass-pirate band and travel with them...and give up showering...you never know...God works in Mysterious ways ;-) 
I still have the tendency to jump on the moving sidewalk and hurry to the destination to see where I'm headed next, but I am enjoying taking the slower, scenic route for now....learning to see God in the moment and growing to trust Him...and trying to laugh a lot along the way...but I'm not sure my abs could get more defined then they are now ;-) ...hopefully the sideways wink face shows that I am using sarcasm.

Much love,
Julie
p.s. I had a lot more neat pictures to post but for some reason my Mom's computer won't let me...I'll try to add more later :-)

Mothers can surprise you...

So in my efforts to get all digi-tized with my life, I had a revealing conversation with the Moms.   She had mentioned that we have a free website with Comcast that I could use for Massage and Music biz's.  When I sat down today with her at the table she said, "Oh, Jul....you could get a wikispace....or a voki!"....uh...who is this techie lady who is using my Mother's body as a host?  and what the heck is a voki?
Apparently she already has a wikispace (which is some sort of free website) and one of her cool chemistry teacher-friends has a voki (some sort of site that you put a video of a cartooned-you on to explain your biz or something).  The point is...when did my 62 years-young-mother join the geek squad and learn how to speak R2D2?


She has the tendency to surprise me.  Especially lately...

Mom and I as we made it to sunset just in time- in Cali :-)

One night, over dinner recently, my Mom talked about her desire to skydive...uh, what?  You are a logical, play-it-safe, thrifty, chemistry teacher who carries ketchup packets, saltine crackers, splenda, and packets of peanut butter in your purse, AT ALL TIMES, to ensure that we could make a meal, if in an emergent situation.  You are the lady who allowed us to spend money on fast food, provided we could find enough change on the floor of the old station wagon to exchange for four meals at the golden arches.  You are the thrifty woman who convinced Dad and I to walk 3 miles in like 5 minutes in order to save the ten dollars it would have taken to drive through the park to the coastline to see the California sunset (we ended up running full-speed the whole way...just to make it at the EXACT moment of sundown.) You have an insurance plan for your insurance plan... And you want to throw yourself out of a plane?  My brain just twisted into an oxymoron...

Two years ago, My fantastical father was stuck in a whim to move back to Georgia and buy a house on a lot with a barn...and horses.  For a brief moment, we all got swept into the idea, including my Mother.  It was uncharacteristic of her to join us in la-la-land.  While on a visit to see the house, My Mom tried to get the attention of one of the horses that was being boarded there, while exclaiming, "I've always wanted a horse."  Again....ketchup packets.  Mom, you are aware that a horse does not live off of a casserole of edible purse-findings....and that their up-keep costs much more than the amount of change that could be found under the floor mat of the car, right?
Oh, Mom.  I'm glad you're you.
She likes it when people call her Mrs. Doggendorf- not a fan of the southern way: Mrs. Loretta. Her favorite candy is black licorice- which I for one think should not be allowed to fit in any category of edible treats. The best kind of day for her is when things go according to plan...without any hiccups. You can only get her to sit and watch a movie with you if she can be simultaneously grading papers, paying bills online, or emailing herself to-do notes for later. A Practical-Polly...a Logical-Loretta.
Yet in her dreams, she skydives...and she has a horse.  What a lady, she is :-)

Love you Mom.
Jul

A Pinteresting, Tweet-able, blog-worthy note:

I'm not big on t-e-c-h-n-o-l-o-g-y...

AND...I'm not on facebook, so I had to join something to stay cool...or to become cool.  So now I am a Pinteresting (http://pinterest.com/bluesyjewel/) girl who tweets with little blue-birds....(birds I never thought I'd associate with @juliedoggendorf). AND, of course...you are reading Julie Doggendorf's BLOGendorf. Wow...look at my 2012-self! If the world ends this year...at least I'll go down tweeting or blogging about it...and loving Jesus, of course. I don't mean to joke about a serious matter like the world ending...but if I take myself too seriously, I'll seriously go crazy.  


I'm pretty ordinary, but I am a wanna-be crafty, witty, creative-do-it-yourself, make your own bread and cheese type of lady.  I mean what girl doesn't wanna-be like that, right?  If I said I was a wanna-be: processed food-eating, lazy, boring, girl who isn't adventurous and doesn't like sewing or the outdoors....who would want to follow someone like that on twitter?


Sorta makes me want to start a website for the normal, not-so-extraordinary people to join, who...tell the truth about themselves.  I mean, it's not the truth about myself that I am a boring girl who doesn't like the outdoors, but somedays I'm sad and don't want to leave the house and face the sunshine that would actually, probably lift my spirit...Its not true about me that I am a processed-food junkie, but I like a Chick-fil-a sandwich once in a while (especially on Sundays when they are not open....what is it with craving Chick-fil-a on Sundays....can I get a witness??)  Its not true about me that I don't love Jesus, but somedays I'm really frustrated with Him and we have fights...(which mostly entails me shaking my fist at a pretty patient, supernatural man-God who is allowing me the very breath I am using to yell at him)...sigh...makes me want to really be a Proverbs 31 kinda-woman, but I'm hope-fully flawed and that gives me character...I think? Or maybe it just piles me with the rest of the flawed humanity, who long to bake good bread, or to be perfect Fathers, or who live off the land and grow their own food for their organic, perfect, hypothetical children to eat someday...can I get another witness?

Guess I'll have to try and find other ways to be different, because it seems that different is becoming the new normal. Its funny because no matter how much we try to fit Jesus into a normal paradigm... it never works. He is not a recycling, liberal hippie...or a scholarly religious pharisee...or like our earthly fathers and mothers...or even like the most ideal earthly fathers and mothers.  He is so genuinely His own - doesn't that just make you want to follow Him...not on twitter, but like in 3-D life....not like a Pixar film with special glasses, but like in an actual, tangible wake-up in the morning with bad breath and messy hair as you set your feet on the floor for the first time in a new day where His mercies are new - kind-of-way?
I get so offended with Him sometimes, that I forget how very kind He is.  I get so busy looking for something different, that I forget how very novel He is.  I get so confused, and wander so far away sometimes, that I forget that He is patiently waiting to envelop a prodigal-y me in a warm, sin-erasing embrace.

Pinterest is cool, I guess. Twitter can be interesting - (as long as there is a remnant of privacy, and people don't go into such detail, that they are tweeting about their bathroom breaks or about the fact that they like wal-mart and are eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch as they type).
None of it is fulfilling though.  Not even the dreamiest, hypothetical life is... because if I was married to the most nearly-perfect guy, and had the most nearly-perfect children, who ate the most-nearly organic meals which made them smart enough to invent the most nearly-needed creations...or if I wrote the most-nearly amazing blogs and published a book that sold most nearly-one-gagillion copies...

I'd still be starving inside.

Nothing's gonna make sense until I see Him face to face and He tells me that He knows me....and that I know Him. the real Him. How I hope He says that.
I'm sorry I use the muscles you formed and the arm you knit together...just to shake my fist at you sometimes. I'm sorry that the brain you, so carefully, molded together- rages against who you are sometimes.  You are deserving of so much more... and yet you still hang around, and you still smile.  Who are you?

I'm going to go outside now...while there is still sunshine to be had...and vitamin D to be soaked up.
much love,
Julie


"Behold, God is great, and we know Him not..." - Job 36:26